So you know those lovely Lenten resolutions and plans I came up with? Haven't followed any of them yet. I'm so mad at myself.
Today, the cafeteria decided to serve some pretty tantalizing dishes...which is surprising because Foster Dining Hall is no gourmet spot, and of course of all days, it's a Lenten Friday, so could I enjoy any of these delicious dishes? No. I had a weird veggie burger thing when I wanted the fried chicken, and tonight, I had some pasta that I had tried to spice up, but ended up ruining it. They had grilled chicken sandwiches...I LOVE grilled chicken sandwiches and the meat looked so tender, so fresh and white, it was still sizzling when I had passed. Nope, couldn't have it.
And I thought and prayed for all those in the world who do not have food to eat and asked that the Lord provide for them and take care of them. I bet had this been any other Friday during the year not in Quadragesima, I would have still found something to complain about in terms of the food at the cafeteria.
Things look and seem so much better when you can no longer have them. Boy, am I getting a good dose of that realization particularly now as I'm dealing with the fact that my ex really has moved on. We all need to really stop and think about the things we have in our lives, and appreciate and thank God for them because we aren't guaranteed to have them tomorrow. We have food and water and shelter and clothing. There are those who are living in the world without basic necessities, and who hardly complain. Yet, we criticize the oh-so-expensive and poor quality food in our college/university cafeterias...while others are scraping food off of the ground because they're keeling over from hunger. Think about that.
A friend invited me to the gym to train with him today and it did a lot of good. I enjoyed his company and he is knowledgeable about the bodybuilding and powerlifting fields as well as the science of exercising. He's a heavy lifter (did at least 3x as much weight as I was lifting) and I'm glad I went to the gym. Also, it was good social time that I think I needed and I'm glad that people are trying to support me during this rough time for me. I thank them all and am trying to appreciate them.
But what can I do for others? I feel like I'm very selfish and do not help others out as much. I wish I would be more encouraging to people and give them my shoulder when they need someone to lean on or cry on, but where am I? Always lamenting what's going on in my own life like I'm the only one with problems. I hate that about myself. I'm so self-centered, it's ridiculous. As Catholics, we should show love to our neighbor, not see how they can show love to us.
God has us all on a mission and I wish I knew what my specific mission/purpose was (other than do God's will and serve Him) so I could go with it. There are so many paths I could take.
I do know, however, that I did pray that God would lead me through the desert with Him, but there's one desert that I just do not want to go into...