Discipline

So I was reading the Responsorial Psalm from the Mass of today and this verse struck me:

“Why do you recite my statutes, and profess my covenant with your mouth, Though you hate discipline and cast my words behind you?” Psalm L

It seems that the Lord isn't happy that we talk like we're pious believers but then don't act like it in our hearts especially when He was very serious when He gave His Law to us. It is kinda easy to "say the right things," but we have to ask Him to help us discipline ourselves to live His Law.

It's so important for us to ask for and make use of His Grace so that we can have hearts and words be in union with each other. It's so hard though because feelings get in the way and the "end" (aka holiness) seems so far away so it's like what's the point but I hope that God helps me to understand more so I can be at better peace with things.

Just thought I'd share that <3

The Beach!

Happy 4th of July to all my readers!

Today was absolutely amazing. I went to the beach with my father, grandma, little brother, and best friend and I couldn't have asked for a better way to spend this day. Wish Mommy was here too, but I did get to talk to her this morning!

I hadn't gone to the beach in years and it was great to experience God's beautiful creation this way. Normally I hate being wet but the water felt so good and refreshing! It was just breathtaking. Warn and Corey really enjoyed the water and the weather was nice, although very hot ): we were at Tybee Island, GA.

Also, we jet skied and that was such a rush!

At night we went to downtown Savannah to see the fireworks which were kinda lame but it was good to be with people that I really care about and who really care about me.

I was very moved thinking about how God created all this which the Word and it all came into being. And as the Father created all things through and for His Son, He did an incredible job to show how much He cares for Him. Everything was just so nice today.

I just want to thank God for everything I have that the Lord has blessed me with. He is gracious and kind and I hope to be able to thank Him and show Him how much it means. Shouldn't be complaining all the time.

Just wanted to share that with you guys.

Grandpa's Salvation

This morning I was fortunate enough to pray the 5 Joyous Mysteries of the Holy Rosary of the Virgin with my grandfather.  I recited the prayers, and he listened, probably praying in his heart.  Afterwards, we chanted some Psalms together (followed by him repeatedly asking me if I was interested in the priesthood and me repeatedly saying, "No, Grandpa, that's not my vocation."...repeat).

I've been wanting and meaning to recite the Rosary with him for some time now as I wonder how much he continues to be able to participate in Catholicism since my parents aren't Catholic and who would take him to Mass and to Confession?  Every time I ask him if he'd like to go to Confession, he says he just went (which isn't true but he believes it to be so because of the Alzheimer's) and I think that I should just pick him up and tell him we're going and that way he'll be more likely to do it.

What I'm concerned about is Christian death here.  Will my grandfather have a Christian burial with the Sacrament of Extreme Unction and Requiem (Mass for the Dead)?  The thought that he may not receive these Sacraments is very concerning to me and I'm to the point where I'm going to call around and see if any priest knows how to offer the Sacrament of Extreme Unction in the Extraordinary Form.  I do not want him to pass from this life without being helped by the Sacraments...  I know that my family wouldn't bother too much about this because they are either not Catholic or are no longer practicing, or are "hardly" practicing and if anything, this would just be a "formality."

How sad that the very means by which our gracious and loving Lord gives His superabundant Grace to us are merely considered formalities now.  How many people receive the Sacrament of Christian Initiation (Baptism, Confirmation, Holy Communion) and never see church again until (if even) they receive the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony or are being buried?  How often do priests administer the Sacrament of Extreme Unction (or Last Rites as they are commonly called)?

Death is a very peculiar time for the demons which torment us throughout our lives and influence us to sin flock to our souls to snatch it to Hell before we have a chance to repent and be saved.  Therefore, the aid of the Sacrament of Extreme Unction is extremely necessary.

As his grandson and a fellow Catholic, I am concerned about this and feel alone because who can I really talk to in my family about this?  What do I do?  I feel urged to do something so that he has the best chances for salvation that a man of his state and age and with that illness has.

De Profundis (Out of the Depths)

The Agony of the Garden

Today I am distressed by my sins and just want to atone for them and do penance.  It is particularly fitting for today because the Church commemorates (at least in the traditional calendar) the Feast of the Most Precious Blood of Our Lord Jesus Christ.

Father said in his sermon today that the importance of this Feast is to remind us that it is by the shedding of Christ's Blood that we are saved and given Life.  His Blood was shed because of my offenses and my weakness; being obstinate in sin, how could I ever hope for Heaven unless the Lord come down to sacrifice Himself for me?  When I really think about this, it causes me anguish that I repay God for His bountiful blessings with constant relapses into sin.  He gave me life, a family, friends, Catholicism, knowledge of the True Faith, and in return I spit in His Face, offend His goodness, crucify Him with my selfishness and the evils that plague my body and mind.  I am not a Christian, much less do I even deserve to invoke His Holy Name in time of trouble...  But praise God for His mercy and healing by instituting the Sacrament of Penance.

Moreover, Jesus Christ shed His Blood of His own will and it was His desire to do so and a simple reminder of the famous verse of the Evangelist St. John (III, 16) in his Gospel which reads:

For God so loved the world, as to give his only begotten Son; that whosoever believeth in him, may not perish, but may have life everlasting.

These words sum up perfectly why our Lord gave His Life, because He loves us and wants us to be with Him.  He doesn't want any of His children to be cast into the eternal abyss of death and woe, Hell, that dark frightening place prepared for Satan and his angels and which is populated (and continues to be so) by those souls who, like me, have turned their backs on God.  What is more to think that down there are souls who haven't offended God nearly as much as I have, and that is scary and that makes me feel guilty about my persistence in the hatred of God by sinning against Him.

I just want to turn away now and forever, even at this very moment, from all the wicked that I do and follow Christ.  I want to love Him, I want to be like Him, I do not want to be like the heathens of this world and I also want to hate the world, but how?  Yes, I've asked for these before and continue to ask for them, but not actively, not with the intention of having my prayer answered at that very moment (if we pray for something, we should be ready to accept that God give it to us right then and there to see if our intentions are pure).  That's another sin, praying to God in vain.  Who taught me that?  Where did I learn that from?  Certainly not from my parents...  

I keep feeling like I won't be able to live chaste life as long as I remain attracted to males and as long as I feel those attractions, then I will never really be able to cooperate with Grace.  Yes, I have received the Sacraments as "worthily" as I could at times, but like my friend told me, I didn't bring a large vessel to the Lord for Him to fill it with His Sanctifying Grace, but rather a small, fragile one which can easily be emptied and broken.  But how do I bring Him a larger, durable vessel?  Lord, in Thy mercy, please give me one!

What has become of my prayer life?  Has life gotten me down that much that I no longer see the use in [lifting] mine eyes to the mountains from which help shall come to me (Psalm CXX, 1)?  No wonder... In this state, and as immersed in sin as I am, I should be tiring myself out with prayer.  The Saints did.  I just read last night about St. Catherine of Genoa who would spend hours upon hours daily in prayer and atoning for the sins of a short time of her life.  St. Francis of Assisi and St. Anthony of Padua sought God constantly in prayer.  Ste-Therese de Lisieux prayed very passionately yet simplistically to the Blessed Trinity and leaned on God.  What am I doing?  This is embarrassing even.

What should I do?  Have any of you felt this way?  What would you tell someone in my shoes?  While you ponder this, please pray for me and all those who drown themselves in their sins because only the Grace of God which comes to us through the Blood of Christ can save us.  Pray for those who struggle with similar sins as yourselves, form solidarity with them.  Pray for those who do not even know Christ or His Holy Gospel because without Faith, no one can be saved.  Pray for the Holy Father, His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI as he works to reconcile fallen away brethren with the Church again, and definitely pray for the Suffering Souls in Purgatory as they cry out to God for mercy.

Homosexuals' Catholic Responsibility

Good evening everyone.  I would like to talk about something that has been on my mind on and off for a long time.

Often when I see forum and blog posts about homosexuality, most of the discussion is about why it is wrong and sinful.  No one ever gives any new answers, so therefore I don't read those discussions too attentively, nor do I really participate in them anymore; what more could possibly be said?  Homosexual relationships are not procreative, sex between two members of the same sex is an abomination to the Lord, it's one of the Sins which Cry Out to Heaven for Vengeance.

What hardly anyone mentions is what homosexuals really should do.  You often hear participants say things such as the following:

• Homosexuals should regularly receive the Sacraments of Penance and Holy Communion.
• Homosexuals should live chaste lives.
• Homosexuals should have very intense prayer lives.
• Homosexuals have a heavy cross to bear

Do not these things apply to all Catholics?  What are homosexuals specifically called to do?

Here are some of my conclusions:

Because homosexuals can neither receive nor administer the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, we can devote more time to charity work and be strong members of parish life.  We do not have a family for which to provide, nor a spouse whose soul to save, nor children to instruct in the Faith.  How we can form "families" is to develop strong friendships with others that can be opportunities to witness to the Truth of the Catholic religion and try to set examples for them.  

Because homosexuals cannot receive the Sacrament of Holy Orders (this is fact, regardless of how this rule is ignored by most...), we do not have to carry the burden of guarding the souls of entire flocks of believers from evil, a very heavy charge.  We can rather try to be of more assistance to our pastors because we have neither families nor immediate care of souls to attend to.

Also, some qualities that I have noticed about myself and other homosexuals that could be of use to the Church as far as evangelization are the fact that we are generally pretty sensitive to others' feelings and tend to be more empathetic and know what it feels like to be mistreated, marginalized, discriminated against, and ridiculed (even though a lot of gay activists seem to have forgotten this and have become the ones who do those things to others).  We're very sensitive and caring, and that is what many need to see from the Church and from devout Catholics, people who care and people who try to understand them and not be condescending.  I'd say homosexuals have a soft spot for outcasts and those who desire to be included (because most of us experience it whether overtly or covertly) and that meekness, that sensitivity can be helpful in reaching out to others, speaking out against sin, and trying to show Christ's Love so that more of His sheep can be gathered into the Fold.

There are many opportunities for redemptive suffering for homosexuals to take advantage of that can be profitable to our souls as well as others' and yes, it seems like we have to do the "hard" stuff that no one else wants to do, but I mean, it's better than nothing.  

All of these things (which basically kinda describe a state in life) must be aided by the Sacraments just as priests need to be aided by them and spouses need to be aided by them.  Everyone needs the Grace of the Sacraments to sanctify their states in life to please God, avoid sin, and avoid Hell, but the Grace helps nourish Wisdom and Understand (Gifts of the Holy Ghost) to let Catholics know the best way to live their calling in life.

Again, I could be wrong about all of this, but it could be another way of helping homosexuals feel like we can be of some importance to the Church.  Spouses can raise Catholic kids, priests can help Catholic souls, and religious (monks and nuns) can pray for the world's salvation.  Also, devoting that much energy to helping and serving others would keep us busy and not leave us much time to commit sins of impurity when you figure in the prayer and meditation that we should be doing.

This is the kind of life I wish I lead anyways.

Let me know your thoughts.

About My iPhone!!!

Okay everyone, I realize this is extremely off topic but I never got to tell you guys about my new phone that I got a couple months ago and that I absolutely LOVE!!!

I upgraded to the Apple iPhone 4 in white which has iOS 5 on it and this is hands down the BEST phone that the Lord has blessed me with by far. It's sooo beautiful and I just love everything about it!

I had the BlackBerry Storm 2 before this and what a change! I couldn't stand BlackBerry and couldn't wait to upgrade. I never thought I would be getting an iPhone though; I didn't even like iPhone. I was thinking about getting an Android.

What made me change my mind is that the iPhone is really popular at my school and is the most stylish, trendy phone definitely. I am an avid iTunes user and it just would make sense music wise. I remember getting an up-close look at the iPhone and just thinking how beautiful it was and that I really wanted one!!! And I have not regretted my decision nor did I think I'd like it as much as I do. I can hardly put it down (:

I'm gonna do a little bit of a review:

The pros are

•that it is definitely compatible with the technological climate of today and you do not have to be a hardcore computer geek to be able to really enjoy it like Android

•the iPhone gives you quick access to any ways of communicating you need. You have calling, txtng, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Instagram, e-mail (you can have multiple), etc all in one place!

•unlike BlackBerry, the iPhone (and to a lesser extent, the Android) is a cross generational phone that all people from different stages in life can benefit from. It's perfect for hs and college students, new professionals, businessmen, parents, clergy, and older people.
••I can particularly speak about how beneficial it is for students. It's a personal office basically. You can schedule meetings, reminders, keep a journal, easy access to school networks and stuff and storing and organizing homework and the app store has great apps for students!!!

•the camera is amazing and HD and the pics look incredible (and the iPhone 4S has an even better camera!)

•it's a stylish and beautiful phone! Very aesthetically pleasing and the feel is great. It is somewhat customizable.

CONS::

•battery life. I'd say the phone lasts for a day and half without charging. Some apps can drain the battery more than others and it can take awhile to fully recharge the phone. I'd def recommend a car charger...

•feels/looks fragile (especially because of how gorgeous it is) and there you MUST get a cover and screen protectors. I've seen some cracked screens and it makes me shudder seeing an iPhone like that. But this can be a great way to individualize your phone. EVERYONE has an iPhone 4/4S (and I've noticed black seems to be more popular...even Mommy has a black one, but I love my white one), and the case is a great way to mark your case as your own. The first case I got was from Verizon and it was great. Never had any probs but it does get slippery when it's hot out and the hands get sweaty and I'm too afraid to drop it, so i recently got an Otterbox commuter series case and it is great and I recommend them to all iPhone users.

Spiritual advantages of the iPhone are some of the Catholic apps I've found like iMissal and the Douay-Rheims Catholic Bible and Prions en église and I also have Introduction to the Devout Life and Imitation of Christ as iBooks on my phone and it's great to be able to just read them anytime.

I have a lot of apps (cuz I love apps) and a few games. My faves are definitely Twitter, YouTube, USAA (my bank), iMissal, Abercrombie & Fitch, the App Store, iTunes, and my iPod mp3 player on phone. Most of my apps I only use here and there but these are the ones I use the most.

You guys should get iPhones because they're such blessings when it comes to mobile technology and I don't think I could ever go to any other phone! I even got the blogger app and am actually typing this blog post from my iPhone lol (I can't customize the text from here though).

See ya

What I've Been Up To

Hello again everyone!

Sorry for being away for so long and hopefully I'll be able to update you guys on things over the course of the next few blogs (so much has gone on), but I'm just going to jumpt right into what I want to say...

I've been reading Catholics Answers and this whole EF/OF battle is annoying as usual.  Someone posted a question about how to respond to someone who says "Well, back in the Jesus' time, they didn't have [this and that] for their Sunday worship, so you shouldn't either."  If that's the case, no major Christians worship the way the early Church did.  Church buildings didn't exist yet, and the Liturgy grew organically.  The concept, and the aims and principles remain the same...that's what's important.

Also, EFers need to be careful about being unnecessarily scrupulous about disciplines/practices (while OFers could stand to pay a little more attention...).  There was a little mini-fight about altar cloths and putting your hands under them during the reception of Holy Communion.  Really, who has time to pay attention to that?  Shouldn't what is more important be internal dispositions when receiving the Sacraments?  I honestly believe that if you have the right dispositions and intentions, that will affect your piety and devotion and you will know what to do.  Now that someone mentioned this thing about the altar cloths and hand position (not all of the EFs I've been to even use altar cloths), some of those who read that thread are going to be all in scruples about where there hands should go instead of preparing to receive the Gifts.

I'm reading the Introduction to the Devout Life (in the original French) by St-Francois de Sales on recommendation of one of my friends and hopefully it'll help me with will power and doing Catholicism instead of thinking about it and staying in that potential stage.

Please pray for the repose of the soul of Nicholas Robert Watson who passed from this life on May 12, 2012.  He was very dear to me and I think of him everyday.  May the Lord be merciful to His servant.  Amen.  I do not regret meeting him nor the fact that he was in my life for the two years that he was.  I'm not quite still how to deal with his passing, but whatever I do, prayer for him is a must.

I am very homesick for PA here in Atlanta, and miss my friends a lot (especially in light of Nick's passing).  It's great to be here with Tyler and Corey (little brother).  Mom is in Africa for her internship until August and Dad is working in PA a lot.  Grandma is here currently with us and we're enjoying her company.  I'm adjusting to ATL I suppose, but I am having a hard time getting into a prayer cycle or routine since I've been away from it for so long; these things used to seem to natural to me.  I do think Catholicism all the time still.  God has been very gracious in giving me lots of insight on many things.  Sometimes in thought and other times through other people.

The Lord speaks to us all the time, but we do not always listen, and much less do we usually take heed to what He says, and that is very dangerous for the soul and progression in the spiritual life.  The Lord does not waste His words, nor does He give suggestions...  Just sayin'...and that thought has been bothering me a lot.

I kinda went back to wearing the veil during the OF, not regularly during the EF (mostly because the parish I go to down here scares the bejeebeez out of me *cry*), but it just helps me to pray sometimes and other times, it just feels "right."  I don't know.  I feel like I do need to stop faking being masculine and what not (not saying that I have be flamboyant or anything, and go over the top), but just be more natural and stop trying to impress anyone; if God wants me to be more gruff or typically male in my speech and conduct, He will show me how/why somehow.

I've been very disillusioned by homosexuals since I've been here and gays seem to be very judgmental, flaky, fickle, and superficial and that really bothers me and I'm starting to have more anger towards the people than to the actual disorder.  I really hope to God I am not like that and that I have the decency to at least be respectful to others.  Maybe heterosexuals can be like this too, but I don't know it seems like homosexuals are particularly guilty.  In Pennsylvania, I don't have very many gay friends (I literally have 2 besides myself) and don't really ever talk to any others except for reading what many of them say in forums that I read.  And both of my friends are really caring, nice people and do not seem to be either sex-crazed or thinking with their genitals, but it seems to be different in the real world and those are not people I want to be around, straight or gay.

No, I do not know what I'm doing about school in the fall.  I'm still thinking about it, and so far I have no idea what is going on.  It bothers me and I hate not knowing, but we'll just see what happens.

Currently, I'm just trying to concentrate on being grateful for the things that I have and how I can find what is best for my soul and what I need to be doing to make sure that I live my life in the best way possible.  I am trying not to give in to depression and envy and feelings of inadequacy but rather virtuous thoughts and be more positive.  Nick hated negativity and I wouldn't want him to think that I didn't learn that from him.  He did always want me to love myself and be happy.

Well, just ponder that for awhile.