Wednesday, June 27, 2012
What I've Been Up To
Hello again everyone!
Sorry for being away for so long and hopefully I'll be able to update you guys on things over the course of the next few blogs (so much has gone on), but I'm just going to jumpt right into what I want to say...
I've been reading Catholics Answers and this whole EF/OF battle is annoying as usual. Someone posted a question about how to respond to someone who says "Well, back in the Jesus' time, they didn't have [this and that] for their Sunday worship, so you shouldn't either." If that's the case, no major Christians worship the way the early Church did. Church buildings didn't exist yet, and the Liturgy grew organically. The concept, and the aims and principles remain the same...that's what's important.
Also, EFers need to be careful about being unnecessarily scrupulous about disciplines/practices (while OFers could stand to pay a little more attention...). There was a little mini-fight about altar cloths and putting your hands under them during the reception of Holy Communion. Really, who has time to pay attention to that? Shouldn't what is more important be internal dispositions when receiving the Sacraments? I honestly believe that if you have the right dispositions and intentions, that will affect your piety and devotion and you will know what to do. Now that someone mentioned this thing about the altar cloths and hand position (not all of the EFs I've been to even use altar cloths), some of those who read that thread are going to be all in scruples about where there hands should go instead of preparing to receive the Gifts.
I'm reading the Introduction to the Devout Life (in the original French) by St-Francois de Sales on recommendation of one of my friends and hopefully it'll help me with will power and doing Catholicism instead of thinking about it and staying in that potential stage.
Please pray for the repose of the soul of Nicholas Robert Watson who passed from this life on May 12, 2012. He was very dear to me and I think of him everyday. May the Lord be merciful to His servant. Amen. I do not regret meeting him nor the fact that he was in my life for the two years that he was. I'm not quite still how to deal with his passing, but whatever I do, prayer for him is a must.
I am very homesick for PA here in Atlanta, and miss my friends a lot (especially in light of Nick's passing). It's great to be here with Tyler and Corey (little brother). Mom is in Africa for her internship until August and Dad is working in PA a lot. Grandma is here currently with us and we're enjoying her company. I'm adjusting to ATL I suppose, but I am having a hard time getting into a prayer cycle or routine since I've been away from it for so long; these things used to seem to natural to me. I do think Catholicism all the time still. God has been very gracious in giving me lots of insight on many things. Sometimes in thought and other times through other people.
The Lord speaks to us all the time, but we do not always listen, and much less do we usually take heed to what He says, and that is very dangerous for the soul and progression in the spiritual life. The Lord does not waste His words, nor does He give suggestions... Just sayin'...and that thought has been bothering me a lot.
I kinda went back to wearing the veil during the OF, not regularly during the EF (mostly because the parish I go to down here scares the bejeebeez out of me *cry*), but it just helps me to pray sometimes and other times, it just feels "right." I don't know. I feel like I do need to stop faking being masculine and what not (not saying that I have be flamboyant or anything, and go over the top), but just be more natural and stop trying to impress anyone; if God wants me to be more gruff or typically male in my speech and conduct, He will show me how/why somehow.
I've been very disillusioned by homosexuals since I've been here and gays seem to be very judgmental, flaky, fickle, and superficial and that really bothers me and I'm starting to have more anger towards the people than to the actual disorder. I really hope to God I am not like that and that I have the decency to at least be respectful to others. Maybe heterosexuals can be like this too, but I don't know it seems like homosexuals are particularly guilty. In Pennsylvania, I don't have very many gay friends (I literally have 2 besides myself) and don't really ever talk to any others except for reading what many of them say in forums that I read. And both of my friends are really caring, nice people and do not seem to be either sex-crazed or thinking with their genitals, but it seems to be different in the real world and those are not people I want to be around, straight or gay.
No, I do not know what I'm doing about school in the fall. I'm still thinking about it, and so far I have no idea what is going on. It bothers me and I hate not knowing, but we'll just see what happens.
Currently, I'm just trying to concentrate on being grateful for the things that I have and how I can find what is best for my soul and what I need to be doing to make sure that I live my life in the best way possible. I am trying not to give in to depression and envy and feelings of inadequacy but rather virtuous thoughts and be more positive. Nick hated negativity and I wouldn't want him to think that I didn't learn that from him. He did always want me to love myself and be happy.
Well, just ponder that for awhile.