The Mystery of the Blessed Sacrament

I posted a status today on Facebook saying that I wanted to understand the Blessed Sacrament and judging from some of the comments, I think I should clarify what I meant.

The Holy Eucharist is the source and summit of the Catholic faith (I think this is from the Catechism, but it is definitely on the Vatican website and I've heard/seen it many times before) and as Roman Catholics, we believe that Jesus Christ becomes truly and mystically present in the sacred species during Holy Mass.  The Creator of the world is physically and truly present in Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox Holy Communion; not just mere symbols as Protestantism erroneously claims.

So if that's true, I want to know the power behind this Mystery of God.  What does this mean for pious Christians who approach the Holy Table to receive these beautiful Gifts?  I feel like this is something that is believed in theory among Catholics (although Orthodox seem to wholeheartedly believe in the True Presence), but to me, a lack of Faith seems to prevent us from experiencing the fullness of this amazing Truth.  It's so sad.  These are things that I notice:

People that attend Holy Mass and receive the Lord seem so hasty about it.  There is this crazy idea that we need as many Extraordinary 'Ministers' of Holy Communion so we can speed along the distribution.  And although the Second Vatican Council did not intend this at all, people seem to think this is another role to be filled like ushers, and greeters, and people who collect the offering, and what not.

Not to be judgmental, but the way in which a lot of people receive Holy Communion distressed me to the point where I just don't look (there are other reasons I don't look such as the fact that that is a very intimate encounter to have the personal visitation of our Lord and God and should not be disturbed by my eyes).  These really fast Signs of the Cross, the quick and hurried bows (or nods of the head)...if people even remember to do them (technically, if you're going to bow, it has to be three bows...not just one...).  People walking while receiving Holy Communion.  And also not many people offer prayers of thanksgiving for the Heavenly Food, the Bread of Angels, which they just received.  Even more, many leave the church while processing away from the Communion line before Mass even ends!

What in the world?!  This is just unacceptable and I just want to scream every time I witness these at Holy Mass.  I've never seen anything like this in the Eastern Orthodox Divine Liturgy (actually I love how they receive Holy Communion).  How Communion is received in the Extraordinary Form is more acceptable, but still sometimes seems like a lack of piety.  As judgmental as that sounds, this is what I've observed.

But I think the reason that I'm seeing this (and maybe you all have noticed it as well) is because we don't take the time to ponder what we have in the Blessed Sacrament.  Another thing that bothers me is no one likes to talk about it either (although I can almost always get a conversation about the glories of the Blessed Sacrament from a lot of Orthodox...*cough* Catholics, we need to step it up).  Why wouldn't we want to share and give thanks together (not just as Holy Mass) about these things?

Since we are all trying to get to Heaven and should be trying to encourage each other towards our Heavenly Home, why not speak of these Mysteries and help each other to receive them more reverently?  I can't tell you how many texts I've sent to Catholics trying to engage them to talk about these things to not get an answer back...

Now, about the comments on my status.  Both were from two Christians (one Catholic and one Orthodox) whose piety I greatly admire and thank God for how prayerful they both are and both are very spiritual although the Catholic has a hard time expressing it in words but I know it's there.  Well, he missed the point I was trying to make, and she (Orthodox and very much on fire with the Holy Ghost, Deo gratias..and she has really been accompanying me on this journey and it's always great to hear from her because she gives me much good things to think and consider and sends me some great sermons too) wanted to emphasize the "mystery" part of the Sacrament and just have Faith to accept it which is not exactly where I was going, but she did tell me that no matter what we feel or know or do not know, we must trust that the Lord is working on us and purifying us with His Grace through the Sacraments even if we cannot tell.

I think this is key because I do not really feel "changed" or anything after receiving the Sacraments and it sometimes makes me wonder if I 1) received them unworthily or if I 2) wasn't good enough or something and I would get frustrated because these holy means of Grace are supposed to guard us from sin and despair   yet that only seems to last for maybe hours at best...  And I kinda think to myself, "God must be stronger than that, so maybe the problem is me..." but there's like no help to correct this.  Priests don't seem to take me seriously when I ask.  My knees are probably all crusty from trying to pray for answers on this so much.  Other Catholics don't really know what to say through lack of catechesis (or indifference...I've noticed a lot of traditional Catholic men (I don't know many women) seem pretty indifferent to my spiritual life probably because I don't know as much as they do and as with most guys, you have to show yourself worthy of them ugh), and if I talk to Orthodox men, I'm going to get beaten over the head with the "You need to leave that heretical church and join the True Church so you can get True Sacraments and you won't have this problem!"

Is God torturing me, again, this is another desire that I have that He, for whatever reason, is withholding from me, and what spiritual good is it really doing?  I cannot tell at the moment, but maybe something good will come of it.

So I'm going to be in the Scriptures and in the Catechisms again trying to soak in all these words and maybe read some Fathers along the way about the Holy Eucharist and see if that helps a little more.

I just want to run to my Lord and have Him welcome me with open arms and cast away all my doubts and fears and just be wrapped in His Love and have Him keep me there safe from all the spiritual trauma that I feel I go through (internally) on a daily basis.  Somehow, I'm still in the game!

De Profundis (Out of the Depths)

The Agony of the Garden

Today I am distressed by my sins and just want to atone for them and do penance.  It is particularly fitting for today because the Church commemorates (at least in the traditional calendar) the Feast of the Most Precious Blood of Our Lord Jesus Christ.

Father said in his sermon today that the importance of this Feast is to remind us that it is by the shedding of Christ's Blood that we are saved and given Life.  His Blood was shed because of my offenses and my weakness; being obstinate in sin, how could I ever hope for Heaven unless the Lord come down to sacrifice Himself for me?  When I really think about this, it causes me anguish that I repay God for His bountiful blessings with constant relapses into sin.  He gave me life, a family, friends, Catholicism, knowledge of the True Faith, and in return I spit in His Face, offend His goodness, crucify Him with my selfishness and the evils that plague my body and mind.  I am not a Christian, much less do I even deserve to invoke His Holy Name in time of trouble...  But praise God for His mercy and healing by instituting the Sacrament of Penance.

Moreover, Jesus Christ shed His Blood of His own will and it was His desire to do so and a simple reminder of the famous verse of the Evangelist St. John (III, 16) in his Gospel which reads:

For God so loved the world, as to give his only begotten Son; that whosoever believeth in him, may not perish, but may have life everlasting.

These words sum up perfectly why our Lord gave His Life, because He loves us and wants us to be with Him.  He doesn't want any of His children to be cast into the eternal abyss of death and woe, Hell, that dark frightening place prepared for Satan and his angels and which is populated (and continues to be so) by those souls who, like me, have turned their backs on God.  What is more to think that down there are souls who haven't offended God nearly as much as I have, and that is scary and that makes me feel guilty about my persistence in the hatred of God by sinning against Him.

I just want to turn away now and forever, even at this very moment, from all the wicked that I do and follow Christ.  I want to love Him, I want to be like Him, I do not want to be like the heathens of this world and I also want to hate the world, but how?  Yes, I've asked for these before and continue to ask for them, but not actively, not with the intention of having my prayer answered at that very moment (if we pray for something, we should be ready to accept that God give it to us right then and there to see if our intentions are pure).  That's another sin, praying to God in vain.  Who taught me that?  Where did I learn that from?  Certainly not from my parents...  

I keep feeling like I won't be able to live chaste life as long as I remain attracted to males and as long as I feel those attractions, then I will never really be able to cooperate with Grace.  Yes, I have received the Sacraments as "worthily" as I could at times, but like my friend told me, I didn't bring a large vessel to the Lord for Him to fill it with His Sanctifying Grace, but rather a small, fragile one which can easily be emptied and broken.  But how do I bring Him a larger, durable vessel?  Lord, in Thy mercy, please give me one!

What has become of my prayer life?  Has life gotten me down that much that I no longer see the use in [lifting] mine eyes to the mountains from which help shall come to me (Psalm CXX, 1)?  No wonder... In this state, and as immersed in sin as I am, I should be tiring myself out with prayer.  The Saints did.  I just read last night about St. Catherine of Genoa who would spend hours upon hours daily in prayer and atoning for the sins of a short time of her life.  St. Francis of Assisi and St. Anthony of Padua sought God constantly in prayer.  Ste-Therese de Lisieux prayed very passionately yet simplistically to the Blessed Trinity and leaned on God.  What am I doing?  This is embarrassing even.

What should I do?  Have any of you felt this way?  What would you tell someone in my shoes?  While you ponder this, please pray for me and all those who drown themselves in their sins because only the Grace of God which comes to us through the Blood of Christ can save us.  Pray for those who struggle with similar sins as yourselves, form solidarity with them.  Pray for those who do not even know Christ or His Holy Gospel because without Faith, no one can be saved.  Pray for the Holy Father, His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI as he works to reconcile fallen away brethren with the Church again, and definitely pray for the Suffering Souls in Purgatory as they cry out to God for mercy.

SSPX (unofficial) Antipathy, Rad Trads Gone Mad

Read the first couple pages of this forum post in Fisheaters Traditional Catholic Forum:

http://catholicforum.fisheaters.com/index.php/topic,3448658.0.html

This is why I have such a hard time with many of those who attend the Traditional Latin Mass (Extraordinary Form) especially those who go to SSPX chapels.  Had to make the distinction before someone jumps on me and says that I hate all traditionalists and adherents of the Society of St. Pius X(SSPX).

One of the posters there (my favorite poster actually) expressed something that she appreciated about the SSPX which she normally criticizes for their harsh, scathing words especially when they insult the Holy Father (Pope Benedict XVI) or accuse the Novus Ordo (NO..Ordinary Form of the Roman Rite or New Mass) and its Sacraments as being invalid, heretical, fake, etc.  In response to the kind remark she made about the SSPX, another poster immediately shot her comment down by making a derogatory and blasphematory statement about Our Lord present in the Blessed Sacrament.  She even explained that she was also making that statement of apprecition to kinda cool the air and be more charitable to the SSPX adherents.

The conversation spun out into the usual:  a battle between the SSPX and the in-communion-with-Rome trads going back and forth with the typical name-calling (The NO religion is false and not Catholic, you're not with the Church because you insult the Pope, the NO is to blame for your husband's loss of fatih, etc).  This woman is struggling with the fact that her husband, her spouse, is possibly losing the faith because of the cruel remarks of some SSPX adherents and other die-hard traditionalist Catholics because they're making him feel like he's just "worshipping bread and wine and not Christ's true Body and Blood." 

The Sacraments are Sacraments, they always confer Sanctifying Grace (or increase it) in the soul when they're received worthily and through them we receive the mercy and Grace that our Lord gave by His Passion, Death, and Resurrection.  They are not dependent upon the orthodoxy or lack thereof of the priest or bishop administering them, but on the matter (tangible things required), form (proper words used in their administration/reception), and intent (the Theological Virtues of Faith, Hope, and Charity, and intangible things/dispositions required). 

What is wrong with our Church?  There are all these factions and camps and not enough unity and agreement.  And all the name-calling, are we really in 2nd grade??  (I feel like I just insulted second graders even...).  Radical traditionalists, neo-con bullies, cafeteria Catholics, liberal Catholics, FSSP/ICKSP traditional Catholics, SSPX traditional Catholics, NOers, etc... 

This labeling is getting tired and is making us look bad to non-Catholics, we can't even agree on our own religion, we're looking just as bad as Protestants (although they aren't really pointing fingers at each other...which is funny because they all teach different things, but it's okay for others to have heterodox faith and be saved, but Roman Catholics are damned by virtue of the fact that we identify as such...okay).

I mean, it's not even admonishing a sinner, but just being cruel, impatient, and irritable.  Yes, it is tiring to have to deal with how most people have such a flawed and distorted view of Catholicism that it's like they aren't even practicing the same religion (I'm guilty of this myself; usually I shiver when someone tells me they're Catholic anymore because I am immediately thinking how well do they know our doctrines). 

But it does bother me that SSPX adherents have this "If they want to be saved, they'll come to us" attitude and are not concerned at pushing others away.  In a way, they're right, you don't adjust the Truth just to get a butt in a seat (bishops take heed), but you don't want to insult someone away and give them a bad taste in their mouths either.  Be a good witness, and know that people have feelings too.

On the contrary, people in the Ordinary Form and non-traditional camp need to stop acting like anything goes.  This also sickens me.  Right and wrong do exist.  Truth is important, lies need to be banished.  Educate yourselves and stop doing everything based on what feels right and good and please, PLEASE, stop being passive spectators at Mass like you're watching a concert.  I love how the "Spirit of Vatican II" crowd loooves to harp participatio actuosa *cough* I mean, "active participation" down everyone's throats, but those that assist at the Extraordinary Form seem to be more actively participating where it really counts (the heart) than those at the Ordinary Form, and also most people don't jet out of the church so quickly like they're gasping for fresh air after Mass.

Most of the stupid and ridiculous comments came from trad guys that wanted to argue the NO matter, but most of them didn't say but a couple words about the spiritual distress she and her husband were going through (which she felt was because of them). 

Help those who are in error to try to find and see the Truth, do not just post all these templated phrases and impulsive responses to things (that gets old and you sound like a machine) because we are our brother's keepers (Book of Genesis IV, 9).

This is just really disgusting and I've noticed that I get a lot of criticism too for feeling "left out" or "forgotten" or whatever, but I'm trying lately to just realize that you can't count on ANYONE but God and His Promises because man is feeble, fickle, and are msot likely just as lost as anyone else, but we can also count on the CHURCH because God established it to protect us, the faithful, and guide us always.