De Profundis (Out of the Depths)

The Agony of the Garden

Today I am distressed by my sins and just want to atone for them and do penance.  It is particularly fitting for today because the Church commemorates (at least in the traditional calendar) the Feast of the Most Precious Blood of Our Lord Jesus Christ.

Father said in his sermon today that the importance of this Feast is to remind us that it is by the shedding of Christ's Blood that we are saved and given Life.  His Blood was shed because of my offenses and my weakness; being obstinate in sin, how could I ever hope for Heaven unless the Lord come down to sacrifice Himself for me?  When I really think about this, it causes me anguish that I repay God for His bountiful blessings with constant relapses into sin.  He gave me life, a family, friends, Catholicism, knowledge of the True Faith, and in return I spit in His Face, offend His goodness, crucify Him with my selfishness and the evils that plague my body and mind.  I am not a Christian, much less do I even deserve to invoke His Holy Name in time of trouble...  But praise God for His mercy and healing by instituting the Sacrament of Penance.

Moreover, Jesus Christ shed His Blood of His own will and it was His desire to do so and a simple reminder of the famous verse of the Evangelist St. John (III, 16) in his Gospel which reads:

For God so loved the world, as to give his only begotten Son; that whosoever believeth in him, may not perish, but may have life everlasting.

These words sum up perfectly why our Lord gave His Life, because He loves us and wants us to be with Him.  He doesn't want any of His children to be cast into the eternal abyss of death and woe, Hell, that dark frightening place prepared for Satan and his angels and which is populated (and continues to be so) by those souls who, like me, have turned their backs on God.  What is more to think that down there are souls who haven't offended God nearly as much as I have, and that is scary and that makes me feel guilty about my persistence in the hatred of God by sinning against Him.

I just want to turn away now and forever, even at this very moment, from all the wicked that I do and follow Christ.  I want to love Him, I want to be like Him, I do not want to be like the heathens of this world and I also want to hate the world, but how?  Yes, I've asked for these before and continue to ask for them, but not actively, not with the intention of having my prayer answered at that very moment (if we pray for something, we should be ready to accept that God give it to us right then and there to see if our intentions are pure).  That's another sin, praying to God in vain.  Who taught me that?  Where did I learn that from?  Certainly not from my parents...  

I keep feeling like I won't be able to live chaste life as long as I remain attracted to males and as long as I feel those attractions, then I will never really be able to cooperate with Grace.  Yes, I have received the Sacraments as "worthily" as I could at times, but like my friend told me, I didn't bring a large vessel to the Lord for Him to fill it with His Sanctifying Grace, but rather a small, fragile one which can easily be emptied and broken.  But how do I bring Him a larger, durable vessel?  Lord, in Thy mercy, please give me one!

What has become of my prayer life?  Has life gotten me down that much that I no longer see the use in [lifting] mine eyes to the mountains from which help shall come to me (Psalm CXX, 1)?  No wonder... In this state, and as immersed in sin as I am, I should be tiring myself out with prayer.  The Saints did.  I just read last night about St. Catherine of Genoa who would spend hours upon hours daily in prayer and atoning for the sins of a short time of her life.  St. Francis of Assisi and St. Anthony of Padua sought God constantly in prayer.  Ste-Therese de Lisieux prayed very passionately yet simplistically to the Blessed Trinity and leaned on God.  What am I doing?  This is embarrassing even.

What should I do?  Have any of you felt this way?  What would you tell someone in my shoes?  While you ponder this, please pray for me and all those who drown themselves in their sins because only the Grace of God which comes to us through the Blood of Christ can save us.  Pray for those who struggle with similar sins as yourselves, form solidarity with them.  Pray for those who do not even know Christ or His Holy Gospel because without Faith, no one can be saved.  Pray for the Holy Father, His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI as he works to reconcile fallen away brethren with the Church again, and definitely pray for the Suffering Souls in Purgatory as they cry out to God for mercy.

Abortion Has No Place in a Woman's Life. . .ever.

http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/have-we-really-come-a-long-way-baby-abortion-and-feminism-dont-mix

"Not only do we not need abortion, we do not want it. Abortion does not elevate the dignity of women. It demeans us and forces us to reject our true nature. Rather than celebrating our femininity, abortion forces us to deny our womanhood. It treats our unique ability to bear and nurture a child as a liability."

The true nature of woman being that she is the perfect complement to man and his helper.  While he is deprived of being able to carry and bear human life within him, she can.  By aborting and using contraceptives, the genders become obsolete and humanity no longer can heed the Lord's command to increase and multiply (Book of Genesis I, 28).  Not only do man and woman together have the power to participate in the creative work of the God the Father (other animals, plants, fungi, etc. can do the same), but through the coming together of man and woman, an immortal, eternal soul is brought forth as well.  Abortion purposefully deprives that soul of the chance to be redeemed by the Blood of Christ through the Sacrament of Baptism.

"President Barack Obama issued a statement on the 2012 anniversary of the Roe v Wade suggesting that abortion was necessary for the next generation of women to have the same rights, freedoms and opportunities as men."

Interesting...didn't know men had the right (or would ever need) to abort.  All that aside, this comparison makes no sense.  To me, it's the same thing as saying, "The drinking age should be lowered to 18 so that most college students can have the same privileges as construction workers." 

. . . (dot dot dot). . .ummm?  Okay?

Awful and very asinine appeal to emotion. 

"The reality is we will not cultivate a culture of life until all women realize that we do not need abortion in order to be considered as smart, competent and professional as men."

Hmm...I wouldn't say that most who are pro-choice believe that abortion makes them equal to men in that sense, but see it more as a way to "stop a bad situation from getting worse and being able to have recourse to it."  That is the vibe that I get from most pro-abortion people; in fact, a lot of them believe that men shouldn't be allowed to have an opinion on the matter (Whose children are those women carrying?  Excuse me?  They didn't get themselves pregnant)... 

What women NEED to realize, however, is, should they ever be in a situation that through no fault of their own a child is conceived, there is counseling and support and help.  In the worst cases, adoption is a viable option (one can have a hard life and still go to Heaven; one cannot enter the Beatific Vision without the Sacrament of Baptism, however).

"In addition to squelching true womanhood, abortion is literally killing women. . .And there is now strong evidence that post-abortive women are more likely to suffer an increase in depression, substance abuse and suicide. Abortion is also linked to a highly aggressive form of breast cancer."

Okay, pro-abortioners, explain me this!  Abortion isn't the magic happy pill most of you (though not all of you) think it is.  It is deadly procedure in more than just a spiritual way and can bring much harm to the body and mind of the mother and others affected.  Planned Parenthood isn't going to tell you all this, but do your research.  Abortion mills are no less dangerous than mothers self-aborting with hangars and what not (although the self-aborting may be more immediately fatal...).

"My generation battled persistent bias to make women in demanding professions and in positions of authority the norm rather than the exception."

I have my views on this but I'll leave that for another post...  Most positions of authority should be dominated by men (not merely males mind you) because I feel like a woman in certain leadership positions does undermine her femininity in a way.  Back to the subject at hand...

Consider these touching words of Pope Blessed John Paul II:

"

A woman is strong because of her awareness of this entrusting, strong because of the fact that God “entrusts the human being to her,” always and in every way, even in the situations of social discrimination in which she may find herself. This awareness and this fundamental vocation speak to women of the dignity which they receive from God himself, and this makes them “strong” and strengthens their vocation. …"

Lastly, consider the words of the Holy Apostle Paul in his Epistle to the Romans:

"For this cause God delivered them up to shameful affections. For their women have changed the natural use into that use which is against nature."  (I, 26)

Things which are against the laws of nature such as murder (abortion is murder btw) and homosexuality naturally bring along with them a hatred of the things of God and a deprivation of His help (Graces) and the unrepentent start to glory and revel in such things, not ever realizing the error and turning to God. 

Our Lady of Guadalupe, pray us and put an end to abortion...