Homosexuals' Catholic Responsibility

Good evening everyone.  I would like to talk about something that has been on my mind on and off for a long time.

Often when I see forum and blog posts about homosexuality, most of the discussion is about why it is wrong and sinful.  No one ever gives any new answers, so therefore I don't read those discussions too attentively, nor do I really participate in them anymore; what more could possibly be said?  Homosexual relationships are not procreative, sex between two members of the same sex is an abomination to the Lord, it's one of the Sins which Cry Out to Heaven for Vengeance.

What hardly anyone mentions is what homosexuals really should do.  You often hear participants say things such as the following:

• Homosexuals should regularly receive the Sacraments of Penance and Holy Communion.
• Homosexuals should live chaste lives.
• Homosexuals should have very intense prayer lives.
• Homosexuals have a heavy cross to bear

Do not these things apply to all Catholics?  What are homosexuals specifically called to do?

Here are some of my conclusions:

Because homosexuals can neither receive nor administer the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, we can devote more time to charity work and be strong members of parish life.  We do not have a family for which to provide, nor a spouse whose soul to save, nor children to instruct in the Faith.  How we can form "families" is to develop strong friendships with others that can be opportunities to witness to the Truth of the Catholic religion and try to set examples for them.  

Because homosexuals cannot receive the Sacrament of Holy Orders (this is fact, regardless of how this rule is ignored by most...), we do not have to carry the burden of guarding the souls of entire flocks of believers from evil, a very heavy charge.  We can rather try to be of more assistance to our pastors because we have neither families nor immediate care of souls to attend to.

Also, some qualities that I have noticed about myself and other homosexuals that could be of use to the Church as far as evangelization are the fact that we are generally pretty sensitive to others' feelings and tend to be more empathetic and know what it feels like to be mistreated, marginalized, discriminated against, and ridiculed (even though a lot of gay activists seem to have forgotten this and have become the ones who do those things to others).  We're very sensitive and caring, and that is what many need to see from the Church and from devout Catholics, people who care and people who try to understand them and not be condescending.  I'd say homosexuals have a soft spot for outcasts and those who desire to be included (because most of us experience it whether overtly or covertly) and that meekness, that sensitivity can be helpful in reaching out to others, speaking out against sin, and trying to show Christ's Love so that more of His sheep can be gathered into the Fold.

There are many opportunities for redemptive suffering for homosexuals to take advantage of that can be profitable to our souls as well as others' and yes, it seems like we have to do the "hard" stuff that no one else wants to do, but I mean, it's better than nothing.  

All of these things (which basically kinda describe a state in life) must be aided by the Sacraments just as priests need to be aided by them and spouses need to be aided by them.  Everyone needs the Grace of the Sacraments to sanctify their states in life to please God, avoid sin, and avoid Hell, but the Grace helps nourish Wisdom and Understand (Gifts of the Holy Ghost) to let Catholics know the best way to live their calling in life.

Again, I could be wrong about all of this, but it could be another way of helping homosexuals feel like we can be of some importance to the Church.  Spouses can raise Catholic kids, priests can help Catholic souls, and religious (monks and nuns) can pray for the world's salvation.  Also, devoting that much energy to helping and serving others would keep us busy and not leave us much time to commit sins of impurity when you figure in the prayer and meditation that we should be doing.

This is the kind of life I wish I lead anyways.

Let me know your thoughts.

About My iPhone!!!

Okay everyone, I realize this is extremely off topic but I never got to tell you guys about my new phone that I got a couple months ago and that I absolutely LOVE!!!

I upgraded to the Apple iPhone 4 in white which has iOS 5 on it and this is hands down the BEST phone that the Lord has blessed me with by far. It's sooo beautiful and I just love everything about it!

I had the BlackBerry Storm 2 before this and what a change! I couldn't stand BlackBerry and couldn't wait to upgrade. I never thought I would be getting an iPhone though; I didn't even like iPhone. I was thinking about getting an Android.

What made me change my mind is that the iPhone is really popular at my school and is the most stylish, trendy phone definitely. I am an avid iTunes user and it just would make sense music wise. I remember getting an up-close look at the iPhone and just thinking how beautiful it was and that I really wanted one!!! And I have not regretted my decision nor did I think I'd like it as much as I do. I can hardly put it down (:

I'm gonna do a little bit of a review:

The pros are

•that it is definitely compatible with the technological climate of today and you do not have to be a hardcore computer geek to be able to really enjoy it like Android

•the iPhone gives you quick access to any ways of communicating you need. You have calling, txtng, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Instagram, e-mail (you can have multiple), etc all in one place!

•unlike BlackBerry, the iPhone (and to a lesser extent, the Android) is a cross generational phone that all people from different stages in life can benefit from. It's perfect for hs and college students, new professionals, businessmen, parents, clergy, and older people.
••I can particularly speak about how beneficial it is for students. It's a personal office basically. You can schedule meetings, reminders, keep a journal, easy access to school networks and stuff and storing and organizing homework and the app store has great apps for students!!!

•the camera is amazing and HD and the pics look incredible (and the iPhone 4S has an even better camera!)

•it's a stylish and beautiful phone! Very aesthetically pleasing and the feel is great. It is somewhat customizable.

CONS::

•battery life. I'd say the phone lasts for a day and half without charging. Some apps can drain the battery more than others and it can take awhile to fully recharge the phone. I'd def recommend a car charger...

•feels/looks fragile (especially because of how gorgeous it is) and there you MUST get a cover and screen protectors. I've seen some cracked screens and it makes me shudder seeing an iPhone like that. But this can be a great way to individualize your phone. EVERYONE has an iPhone 4/4S (and I've noticed black seems to be more popular...even Mommy has a black one, but I love my white one), and the case is a great way to mark your case as your own. The first case I got was from Verizon and it was great. Never had any probs but it does get slippery when it's hot out and the hands get sweaty and I'm too afraid to drop it, so i recently got an Otterbox commuter series case and it is great and I recommend them to all iPhone users.

Spiritual advantages of the iPhone are some of the Catholic apps I've found like iMissal and the Douay-Rheims Catholic Bible and Prions en église and I also have Introduction to the Devout Life and Imitation of Christ as iBooks on my phone and it's great to be able to just read them anytime.

I have a lot of apps (cuz I love apps) and a few games. My faves are definitely Twitter, YouTube, USAA (my bank), iMissal, Abercrombie & Fitch, the App Store, iTunes, and my iPod mp3 player on phone. Most of my apps I only use here and there but these are the ones I use the most.

You guys should get iPhones because they're such blessings when it comes to mobile technology and I don't think I could ever go to any other phone! I even got the blogger app and am actually typing this blog post from my iPhone lol (I can't customize the text from here though).

See ya

What I've Been Up To

Hello again everyone!

Sorry for being away for so long and hopefully I'll be able to update you guys on things over the course of the next few blogs (so much has gone on), but I'm just going to jumpt right into what I want to say...

I've been reading Catholics Answers and this whole EF/OF battle is annoying as usual.  Someone posted a question about how to respond to someone who says "Well, back in the Jesus' time, they didn't have [this and that] for their Sunday worship, so you shouldn't either."  If that's the case, no major Christians worship the way the early Church did.  Church buildings didn't exist yet, and the Liturgy grew organically.  The concept, and the aims and principles remain the same...that's what's important.

Also, EFers need to be careful about being unnecessarily scrupulous about disciplines/practices (while OFers could stand to pay a little more attention...).  There was a little mini-fight about altar cloths and putting your hands under them during the reception of Holy Communion.  Really, who has time to pay attention to that?  Shouldn't what is more important be internal dispositions when receiving the Sacraments?  I honestly believe that if you have the right dispositions and intentions, that will affect your piety and devotion and you will know what to do.  Now that someone mentioned this thing about the altar cloths and hand position (not all of the EFs I've been to even use altar cloths), some of those who read that thread are going to be all in scruples about where there hands should go instead of preparing to receive the Gifts.

I'm reading the Introduction to the Devout Life (in the original French) by St-Francois de Sales on recommendation of one of my friends and hopefully it'll help me with will power and doing Catholicism instead of thinking about it and staying in that potential stage.

Please pray for the repose of the soul of Nicholas Robert Watson who passed from this life on May 12, 2012.  He was very dear to me and I think of him everyday.  May the Lord be merciful to His servant.  Amen.  I do not regret meeting him nor the fact that he was in my life for the two years that he was.  I'm not quite still how to deal with his passing, but whatever I do, prayer for him is a must.

I am very homesick for PA here in Atlanta, and miss my friends a lot (especially in light of Nick's passing).  It's great to be here with Tyler and Corey (little brother).  Mom is in Africa for her internship until August and Dad is working in PA a lot.  Grandma is here currently with us and we're enjoying her company.  I'm adjusting to ATL I suppose, but I am having a hard time getting into a prayer cycle or routine since I've been away from it for so long; these things used to seem to natural to me.  I do think Catholicism all the time still.  God has been very gracious in giving me lots of insight on many things.  Sometimes in thought and other times through other people.

The Lord speaks to us all the time, but we do not always listen, and much less do we usually take heed to what He says, and that is very dangerous for the soul and progression in the spiritual life.  The Lord does not waste His words, nor does He give suggestions...  Just sayin'...and that thought has been bothering me a lot.

I kinda went back to wearing the veil during the OF, not regularly during the EF (mostly because the parish I go to down here scares the bejeebeez out of me *cry*), but it just helps me to pray sometimes and other times, it just feels "right."  I don't know.  I feel like I do need to stop faking being masculine and what not (not saying that I have be flamboyant or anything, and go over the top), but just be more natural and stop trying to impress anyone; if God wants me to be more gruff or typically male in my speech and conduct, He will show me how/why somehow.

I've been very disillusioned by homosexuals since I've been here and gays seem to be very judgmental, flaky, fickle, and superficial and that really bothers me and I'm starting to have more anger towards the people than to the actual disorder.  I really hope to God I am not like that and that I have the decency to at least be respectful to others.  Maybe heterosexuals can be like this too, but I don't know it seems like homosexuals are particularly guilty.  In Pennsylvania, I don't have very many gay friends (I literally have 2 besides myself) and don't really ever talk to any others except for reading what many of them say in forums that I read.  And both of my friends are really caring, nice people and do not seem to be either sex-crazed or thinking with their genitals, but it seems to be different in the real world and those are not people I want to be around, straight or gay.

No, I do not know what I'm doing about school in the fall.  I'm still thinking about it, and so far I have no idea what is going on.  It bothers me and I hate not knowing, but we'll just see what happens.

Currently, I'm just trying to concentrate on being grateful for the things that I have and how I can find what is best for my soul and what I need to be doing to make sure that I live my life in the best way possible.  I am trying not to give in to depression and envy and feelings of inadequacy but rather virtuous thoughts and be more positive.  Nick hated negativity and I wouldn't want him to think that I didn't learn that from him.  He did always want me to love myself and be happy.

Well, just ponder that for awhile.

It's Wrong, but Feels so Right

Spring 2012 semester is soon to come to an end and I cannot say thank God enough...

I need to take this summer to regroup and get myself together before restarting in the fall.  I got my financial aid filled out by the priority deadline and hope that I get a pretty good reward.  I just didn't do well this semester and need to get back to my old academic self.  Since I made so many changes in my life and way of thinking and carrying myself, I think it has left me second-guessing a lot of things.  Adjusting for me is so difficult because I'm such a perfectionist and the Lord did not bless me with the skill of multitasking at all...that is for sure.

For so long I have been concentrating on trying to get others to accept me (and they did, I just didn't appreciate it or realize it), but now I need to learn to accept myself and do things that will help me to achieve that goal without relying on anyone else to make myself love me.  That has been that cliche thing that never really understood how to do; I thought I was accepting myself by just being me, but since I do not really know who I am, hmm...makes that kind of difficult.  To be real, I truly want to find myself and know who I am.  Sometimes I feel like I base myself off of whom I'm around at the time or whatever "reference group" is most appealing at any given moment.  Consistency, my dear friends, that is what I want to achieve.

No, I still haven't gone to Mass yet nor have I really spent any time in prayer except for my usual blessings before meals, prayers for the dead when passing cemeteries, and ejaculations to the Lord when passing churches where He is physically present (I say Dominus meus, et Deus meus (my Lord and my God) when passing churches while crossing myself), and of course invoking the Holy Trinity when getting into a vehicle and at other random times.

The reason that I'm afraid to pray or "practice" the Faith anymore (although in my head I want to) is because I'm afraid things are going to start going to dirt again.  I'm afraid I'm going to be lonely and repulsive to others as I'm really enjoying my social life these days.  I'm afraid I'm going to neglect my studies again at the expense of religion like I have been any time I get really deep into practicing.  I just told my friend the other day while texting her that I get so motivated on some Holy Ghost that I be going full force, but then He leaves me and I'm so exhausted and stuck in the dirt with no ambulance or Water or any help to revive myself.  That's kinda where I feel like I am spiritually.  I'm afraid I'm going to lose all of the guy friends I've been making (you know guys hate religion...how many guys have left comments on this blog?  Two...).  

People say they enjoy me so much more this way, I'm enjoying myself so much more and I'm having so much fun and before it was like fun was few and far between.  The thought of being alone doesn't really scare me anymore and I don't necessarily feel like I need a man to make me feel complete and I feel like I haven't been chasing guys nearly as much.  Sure, I still check them out and notice their fineness, but I don't get depressed wondering whether or not they'll speak to me ever.  

I know, this sounds so messed up.  All the Catholics are reading this and seeing the idolatry clear as day.  Of course worldly things seem appealing and luring and worth it because they can and do feel good, but what will I say to God when I die?  When in all of this am I taking up a cross?  I don't even want to carry one right now because I feel like I've carried one for so long.  Deep down I know that seeking happiness in this life can and most likely will lead to ruin, but I need a break...seriously.  Anyone that knows me intimately will testify to my extreme devotion to the practice of the Faith to the point that it was kind of obsessive.

If there is a way to harmonize these two things (which according to the Holy Scriptures, there isn't), someone please let me know.  I am probably disappointing so many Catholics right now as I'm rejoicing so many heathens.  I can't win.

However, I am happy, and I am having a great day!  I am lamenting my grades, sure, but my stress is low and my motivation to be better the next time is very high.

Alright I think that's enough for right now.

Random Thoughts About My Current Life

In the mood to make another post to just get my thoughts out, not really a theme to this post, but just some ramblings...

For the first time in my entire life, I was did not celebrate liturgically the Solemnity of solemnities, the Feast of the Christian people, the reference point of our holy religion:  the Solemnity of the Resurrection of the Lord.  I don't really feel anything because of it either.  Guilt is there, but at the same time, since I feel worlds away from the Church, kind of like I've been ejected with a mighty force, I'm not really sad...  That is kinda worrisome.  I won't lie, I do miss praying and going to Mass and reflecting on how to be a better Christian, but it's not where I am at the moment.

Right now, I want to just figure things out.  I want to figure out a way to do well in school so I can graduate and at least say I have a degree.  For some reason, I cannot consistently concentrate on work and my grades have gone to Hell in a handbasket.  I want to succeed and make something of myself and do not want to be stuck working as a Crew Member at Burger King for the rest of my life.  How do I get some consistency with studying and excelling?  I know I'm capable of getting great grades; I've gotten all A's before, but something has been going on that has just made this semester push me ten thousand steps back.  I owe this to my family and to myself and to Black people, gays, transgendered persons, and those who are marginalized to show that we can succeed and we can be "better" and make something out of ourselves and that we cannot let society tell us that we can't.

Weight gain has been difficult and I haven't gained much and it's expensive to eat more food, but I need to have this body.  It will be the key to my social success and will make me feel better about my own self knowing that if others reject me, at least it won't be because I'm not physically on par.  I'm sick of being skinny and I'm way past anorexia and do not want to ever go back there.  I have been strong my whole life and physically I can be strong and strapping as well.  There really is no reason for me to have to take a back seat to others when I can be where they are and have the same respect that others give them.  I don't want to be that "awww little cute kid" that girls think I am...  Don't pity me, goodness, ughh.

I really like the new outfits I got for my birthday.  I'm finally wearing shorts again!!!  Why hide these legs when they're one of my best features?  I thought I would loath dressing like a straight guy, but it's actually kind of fun.  Granted, I still like the girl stuff as well and still think it's cute, but I don't really wear those kinds of clothes.  I would like to still wear them, sure, and yes, I feel kind of fake and conceited dressing in this new way, but I figure I'll test the waters for a while to see what happens and if I get the attention I want from people, I'll definitely keep it up.  I look really good in these new clothes and must say that I still have my hand at style, I just need to be able to afford these kinds of clothes on the regular.  It sucks not making enough to buy the clothes you want.

Getting an iPhone 4!!!!  My BlackBerry Storm 2 can take a serious hike because I hate the thing, it's old, beat, cracked screen, and it's not really an "in" phone anymore.  The iPhone is much more popular on college campuses and much more enviable and definitely a hotter phone and the technology on it is killer.  At any rate, it can't be worse than a BlackBerry...  I noticed all the cool and popular kids (if you can call them that) have them and it won't be as embarrassing to use my phone I guess.

Next on my list is to save up for an Xbox 360 and a flat screen and start playing Call of Duty and whatever other games guys play these days.  Those video games really are not my style, but I'm all about trying new things these days and even am about to try to start learning about sports and keeping up to date on the stats of popular players and teams and what not.

This whole makeover is kind of fun and will probably give me the boost I need to keep moving forward and achieve my goals.  I don't have to be a loser anymore or that "weird kid" or whatever.  None of that really pays off anyways.  Being nice and a pushover all the time really was getting me nowhere and it was making people take advantage of me which is going to stop.  I'm not a door mat, nor am I someone who doesn't have feelings and wishes and I don't need to be treated like utter crap because I'm different.  I have just as much a right to be in this world as anyone else and I don't need to take bs for it.  I am a strong person and I will succeed and I will be better.

All those who tried to keep me down, discourage me, tell me I wasn't good enough or that I couldn't do it are going to see that I will make room for myself.  If you don't like me, that's not my problem anymore.  I spent too long hurting myself and feeling guilty trying to make those people happy and just led to rejection after rejection, well now it's time for me to stand up and accept myself (with a few nuances...you should always please the customer if they're willing to pay).

God put me on this Earth for a reason and I am going to discover what that reason is.  I need to stay positive and encourage myself even when others will not (although I greatly appreciate the encouragement I do/did get).  I shouldn't settle for anything less than what I want and what I know I am capable of having.

It seems like a lot of people were all too happy to show me the door (figuratively speaking) out of the Church and criticize my every move and never fail to let me know in roundabout ways how much of a freaking heathen they thought I was.... I also would like to point out how hard I did try to get traditional Catholics to accept me and put myself through a lot and denied myself a lot to try to get their approval, but they ALWAYS had something to say, always...  Never looking at any other Catholics' flaws, but just mine.  It's exhausting, I can only try so hard, I can only fail so much until I try something different so now I am.

Yes, I have been receiving e-mails and messages from people telling me that they do miss me at church and are still praying for me and are hoping I come back and what not, but I still have trads screaming in my ears and before my eyes.  When I think of Catholicism, I think of those people that did everything they could to try to keep me away from the Church and feeling isolated.  I'm having a hard time thinking of those kind and holy souls that did so much to try and help me stay in (the screams are louder than the rubs on the back).  It sucks, because I want to reach out to those people and tell them how much I appreciated all they did for me.  I still think the Latin Mass is a beautiful gem of the Church and a holy expression of our Faith and worship, but the people that attend...  There's still a lot of pent up anger that I'm trying to drain out (and once it's out I'm  hoping I'll be able to have the humility to go back to church), but my best friend is telling me how much funner I am as a "non religious" person.  It makes me mad when he says that, but oh well.  He doesn't change his mind either.

Alright, that's enough for now.  My racing thoughts are all over the place and I could write ten more pages, but I'll let you ponder that.  I'll ponder it myself.  I am happier these days.  I don't know.  Class at 8 AM.

Hope everyone had a great Easter and will have a blessed Easter Season.

PS:  I'm STILL waiting to hear from my spiritual director, if he doesn't answer me soon, then I'm done with that.

Bodybuilding and Crossing My Fingers

Just checking in with everyone, and once again thanks for all the uplifting comments and the encouragement and support.  It means a lot and it shows that people really do care.  I appreciate it.

I still haven't been going to church or praying because every time I get the urge, I have the natural impulse to veil and try to show humility, and since I haven't figured out a good way to internally or externally show humility and piety, I just haven't been doing anything.  Not to mention how foreign it all feels.  I can't believe it's Holy Week!  I did continue to observe Friday abstinence and I still bless my food before meals and cross myself when passing churches or cemeteries and bow my head at the Holy Name.

Since I can't really practice Catholicism for now, I've turned my attention to trying to better myself as a person and in my dealings with society.  If I have drop the whole 'woman' thing, then I guess I may as well do the 'man' thing up.  So, I'm trying to get back into weight training and have been living on www.bodybuilding.com lately.  I updated my body space profile and put in some goals that I'll share with you all as well.

I want to bulk up to at least 125 lbs to start and increase my bench press by 10 lbs, deadlift by 15 lbs, squat by 20 lbs, bent-over barbell row by 5 lbs, and I'm not sure about the overhead press yet, but I'll figure that out tonight when I train.  I've always kinda watched my weight and have been afraid to gain weight for fear of looking too masculine and burly, but now I'm trying to put that aside and try a more model look.

My protein powder arrived today.  Optimum's 100% Soy Protein (I'm lactose intolerant, so whey wouldn't be good...) and I'm going to be ordering Creatine and Nitric Oxide as pre/post-training supplements and trying to increase my calorie intake.

My prayer (kinda literally) is that this helps me to accept myself more and helps me to not be looked down upon by others.  When I would practice religion, somehow I could deal (in a way) with societal rejection (thinking about the Passion of the Lord, the isolation and persecution of the Saints, etc.) but now it's like I have nothing so it's like I need to give myself this.  I really wanted this for a while.  I've always wanted to be considered attractive and cool and not be on the bottom rungs of society (where it seemed like only my mom still thought I was great lol).

I've been focusing on compound lifts since I started taking this seriously last year.  Bench presses, dead lifts, squats, rows, overhead presses, etc. to help gain mass and size and then once I get more solid and advanced in this, I may start working on isolation movements (individual body parts).  Focusing on nutrition for right now.  When I get more money, I'm going shopping to get a new wardrobe and wear hotter clothes and accessories.  Before, I tried to just get by on personality and my little "charm," but that doesn't lead anywhere really.  I have to be honest in the world.  You have to be attractive for people to take you seriously.  Period.

All this stuff has made me quite emotional, but somewhat comforting.  It's like a good escape.  Hopefully it'll help me quit smoking too.  I do miss the Church and stuff, but I just don't feel welcome or "right" in there anymore.  Yes, I still believe in all the teachings, and I don't think there's any other true Church, but I'm not one of those people really.  Who am I kidding...  I just think I needed to finally realize that perhaps.  And my spiritual director still hasn't gotten back to me.  I know it's Holy Week and he's busy, but I think that may be a sign...

Indifferent Again, and Beef with Catholics

So I'm basically back to total indifference about religion and the Church and stuff.  Not totally indifferent, but there's just too much distance between me and the Church at the moment that I'm just like ugh it's not worth it.  Funny, because the church is right next door to me lol.

Anyways, I know I should pray and read the Scriptures and go visit the church and stuff, but there's just no allure or appeal at the moment and I'm feeling very not religious, almost to the point where I don't want to see anyone from church or hear about it or think about it because for some reason, I'm just really angry and this is not what I want.  Total 180 from a couple weeks ago.

I know most of this stems from pride and from anger because I'll never be able to be the Catholic that I want to be or that I'm supposed to be, but whatever.  Things just seem so appealing in the lives of my peers here at school (they don't have to worry about religion and what not) and I'm starting to wonder if I'm depriving myself of a good life and good times for nothing or to get the approval of people who probably more or less don't really care lol.  Ha...

Didn't go to Sunday Mass yesterday because I can't face all those people nor do I even wanna be in there and have that uncomfortable feeling like everyone is staring at me asking themselves questions like they don't have sins either and like they're just so much better than I am, yaaaa totally dude.

Not to brag, but I'm sure I put more "umph" into being Catholic in spite of my flaws than a good 95% of people in there so how dare they stick their nose up at me.

I figured it out though, I want worship alone:  me, a priest, and God because then I wouldn't be beaten with the thoughts and realizations of how different I am from everyone yayy!!!  Wooohooo!!!  Losers unite!

To be honest, another reason I really do not want to go to church anymore is because I actually really don't even like most other Catholics very much.  I mean, I know it sounds awful, but it's true; I can't stand being around most of them because they just seem so fake and stuck up OF and EF alike.  And being around them, like just being in the same room, actually makes me feel really really bad about myself because I know that in their eyes, I will always be a fag and regardless of how passionate I am about the Church and her history and no matter how much I cultivate my spiritual life, most of them won't be impressed that I could probably teach a grad school course on Theology.  I've tried to impress them, epic fail.  Some people are not accepted by their families.  But it won't sound as bad once I admit that most of them can't stand me either so we're even, but it's me versus all of them so I have a little more weight to carry.  *smile*

There are some Catholics who really love me and care about me and do genuinely want my spiritual well-being and they will always be my brothers and sisters in Christ and friends and family to me and I love them.

by the way, I'm speaking of the people, not the religion, I still think the Faith is pure, but we've got some serious issues among the believers...and I refuse to believe that I am the sole thorn in the side of the Church, but I would like to send a huge "nice try" to all those who tried to make me think I was ;-) *wink*

I don't really have anything else to say right now, so I'm gonna peace out.  Oh btw, it's my birthday tomorrow so wish me luck and pray I don't end up in the ER haha